Dinner with the Husband's Boss

A few years ago my family was going out to dinner and just happened to run into my husband's boss and his wife and it was decided that we should join tables and have dinner together.  Yay.  It's always very interesting to me when people who have no children try to offer child-rearing advice or, even worse, want to tell you what you are doing right or wrong in any given parenting situation.  This is what happened to me.

My youngest was about four at the time and he had been eyeing my plate for a bit so I asked him if he wanted something on my plate.  He said that he did so I asked him to tell me what he needed to say in order to get something he wanted.  He responded by asking if he could please have a bite and so I gave him some of my food.  The boss's wife looked at me and said in the most serious of tones, "why do you make him ask for something you clearly have every intention of letting him have anyway?"

This statement has stuck with me for years, mostly because I wanted to throat-punch her and ask what right she had to question what I chose to do as a mother.  There was another part of me, though, that wanted to explain to her that I am trying to raise a good man, someone who doesn't just expect everything to be given to him, someone who knows he has to work for what he wants and someone who has manners, respect and courtesy for everyone.

This still holds true today.  I am constantly watching young adults wander around looking for a handout or waiting for someone to give them what they want.  They seem to be completely baffled by the idea that in the real world you have to work hard and make things happen for yourself; it's not just going to fall in your lap.  And here I sit even more baffled than they at the idea that the parents of these children and young adults are just as eager to make sure their kids have every little thing their hearts desire.

I think, as parents, it's time we stop giving our kids everything.  And I've heard it all; "I want to make sure my kids have everything I couldn't have" or "we grew up poor and couldn't afford anything so I want to make sure they never feel the way we felt"...you know how it goes.  The problem is, in our desires as parents to give our kids "everything they want," we have given them too much.  We have taken away all lessons needed to become self-sufficient, thriving adults.  We have taken away the premise of chores, yard work and helping around the house will earn you an allowance to get what you want...nope, we just buy it outright and they don't have to do a thing to get it.

This generation of young adults has been created by parents more interested in being friends than authorities and willing to hold the hands of their children way longer than is necessary and what has resulted is a generation of people who cannot do for themselves and cannot fathom the idea that they have to do anything at all to get what they want.

So, for the lady who has no children and no idea what fears I face as a mother trying to raise young boys into men, forgive me if I make them say please and thank you, but I don't want my kids to become that kind of adult.